“Running to work-in the rush hour?” said with a look that tells me all I need to know about urban cool and why I won’t be seen playing it with her!
Guy LookingWell, how shallow is that, I thought. Some days you can’t walk down the street without having to duck out of the way as six foot three inches of determined, feminine running power races towards you, clutching a super-styled water bottle and the obligatory mp3 strapped to a taut, sinewy arm.
Ok, I guess it may not be tooooo healthy, inhaling bumper-to-bumper exhaust emissions, but at least the pavement is fairly clear of the first wave of office workers, who like to be at their desks before the boss arrives.
The only problem is, of course, when you get to work, you need a shower and there’s only one tiny basin and no plug! Flushed, and with patches of sweat trying to stick to the inside of your work shirt, you emerge from the WC, to find you’re on the receiving end of a disapproving glance from the passing senior accounts lady.
Shrugging my shoulders, I take a swig on my bottled water wishing it was a cool pint of lager instead - yeh, even at this time of the morning! But hey - I’m running, keeping fit, so I guess why not ! In fact I’ve decided, I will definitely go to the Beer Tasting Evening that I’ve been hearing about.
Now that I’m doing something about keeping the old beer belly down a bit, I reckon I deserve it !66-99
A powercut ! No internet, email, YouTube,Twitter or Facebook - and all my clock radios decide it’s 12.00 until further notice!
Izzy- 4 meJust like that – you’re suddenly helpless, can’t do a thing! It’s eerily quiet, the friendly, little blue light on the computer has gone out and it’s like, all life itself has been extinguished. It’s so annoying! Scrabbling around the desk for my mobile, I see the battery is low and I can’t recharge that either – now we’re completely cut of from the outside world! And boy, do the withdrawal systems start to kick in as you stare, uselessly, at the blank screen.Eat, must eat something - I wrench open the fridge door and reach in to the awful, strange-looking darkness and find a half tub of choc chip ice-cream. That’s it, scoff the lot before it melts! Oh my god - it tastes so great!This is ridiculous, everything grinds to a halt and you start losing it just because there’s a powercut – it’ll be up and running again in a minute. What is happening here? Gotta keep body and soul together, relax, take it easy a bit more – get this sorted, right!OK – calm down a bit - just see if I can use the last bit of battery power to call the energy company, “ 45 mins to one and a half hours you say...I can’t hear , you’re cracking up....” Or is that just me !66-99
Suddenly the bus braked hard and we all lurched forward – an excuse to raise eyebrows at the girl sitting next to me!
Guy Looking - A measured ‘tut tut’ between clenched teeth and shaking of the head, but she - reaching out with perfectly manicured nails to steady herself against the seat in front - barely raised a faint smile and continued reading, engrossed as she was in ‘Forecast Growth Statistics for Quarterly Yields and Derivatives’.And there’s me thinking about gorgeous, well-toned tottie showing up at the Speed Boat Adventure event I’m off to next month and it’s like, we’re crashing waves already! The noticeable deterioration of bus driving and the now daily occurrences of fierce braking, boy racer manoeuvres at the lights and sweeping past a stop if one lone waiting passenger was spotted too late, actually makes for good excuses to break the rules and strike up with a well chosen witticism!You never know – she might have smiled briefly back, perhaps saying she was getting off at the next stop anyway and I then say ....Yeh, yeh, I know!Of course, everyone just wants to get to where they’re going to, as quickly as possible with no hassle, especially women of course, and that’s of course, absolutely right. It’s just the usual ‘what if’ scenario we might conjure with for a few seconds as an unexpected intervention wakes us from our daily routines. Especially on those godawful rush hour bus journeys!66-99
There is definitely one thing more depressing than the credit crunch and swine flu – I’ve just heard that Barbie turned 50 this year !
Izzy- 4 meSo being made of plastic will keep you forever young! Bring on the Botox, I say; inject me everywhere, better than having to do the gym three times a week !
Actually, it kinda sounds a bit weird, creepy even - you obviously know it’s just a doll, but at the same time getting your head around the fact it’s 50 years old, frozen-in-time as a young woman! The same age in fact, as when I used to brush my own Barbie doll’s hair out when I was what – 5 or 6 ?
But apparently, time also moves on in BarbieWorld. She split with Ken! After 43 years, Barbie dumped him for a fling with an Australian surfer boy. And now she’s seen sporting fishnet stockings, a black leather jacket, motorcycle gloves, and knee-high boots!
Wow! At 50 – but hey, aren’t we talking Madonna here? Weirder and weirder – and she’s just got her new ‘toyboy’ too! So there is hope after all. Funny that, that’s exactly what the Dating Angel told me. It all kinda fits together, just gotta keep focused - and back to the gym, I s’pose. If Madonna can do Barbie, I can do Madonna!66-99
You know you’re losing it when you rely on Reggie Perrin moments to get you through the day!
Guy LookingDespite having trained oneself to be completely non-responsive to deal with the usual daily irritants, they can unexpectedly set you off : train stops in the tunnel for a few moments, someone speaking endlessly on their mobile, two hundred spam emails, teabag container empty, weekly fire bell goes off, the girl who smiled at you briefly yesterday completely blanks you today ...
That last one actually, is the one that seems to do it! All the others just remind you that you’re trapped in this moment of space-time, even if you mutter, “Beam me up Scotty,” between clenched teeth. It’s amazing, the totally wild and implausible thoughts that suddenly jump up in front of your eyes – where on earth do they come from? Just by the act of looking!
An MRI scan would no doubt show the brightly lit up, agitated parts of the ancient reptillian brainstem and I’m sure a session on the couch with an expensive Harley Street shrink would only confirm what we – and old Reggie Perrin - already know anyway. Women always say it’s typical male behaviour! But that’s the way it is.
The good thing is there’s lots of summer events at Meet At Last - including absolutely brilliant Champagne evenings, Sunday meets, BBQs and brunches – everyone is like really cool and friendly, great to chat with, in fact. I’m off for a spot of Go Karting planned for this month down at Docklands, so that should definitely help with chilling the inner Reggie out !
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Losing to your 7 year old niece by a quick forearm smash of the remote - Wii are not amused!
Izzy- 4 meEvery time I visit my nephews and nieces, they’re jumping up and down excitedly in front of a plasma screen the size of the iMax cinema, their child’s hands filled with large white control boxes, pointing, thrusting and stabbing at the air immediately in front of them!If there is a bloke with you at the time, he suddenly goes, ‘yeeeeah’, dives into the melée, wrestles a remote from one of the youngsters and, as the circuitry kicks in, is immediately transformed into a crazed cyborg, all flaying arms and jerking elbows.This of course breaks up the jolly playgroup; the kiddie who had their remote taken from them, returns with the mother, sobbing and screaming and attempting a little inter-connectivity of their own by repeatedly kicking the guy’s shins. “Whoah, whoah”, he goes, returning to the real world of physical cause and effect, “that bloody hurts, y’know”. “Could you tell your boyfriend to apologise to my child for taking the remote”.“Yeah, what about my jeans, then ? They’re ripped to shreds”.
“ Don’t be so silly, of course they’re not”.“ Yes, they are , look at this ...” ~ ~ ~
It’s my fault of course, if I had known what these guys are going to be like, but you never can tell until it’s too late! I’m gonna have to seriously think about getting help with changing my online profile – make the message loud and clear, a real man wanted, please!66-99
The first couple of Tweets – and immediately you’re being followed!
Guy LookingMostly it’s short URL advertising and news feeds but there’s always some dude letting you know he’s just cracked open a beer and settling down in front of the telly after a long day online!
I thought it might be like another one of those online social network sites but with instant messaging. Instead, it looks like the way to get the best out of it is to build your own application and invite your friends, otherwise you’re only going to get followed by nonsensical oneliners - and definitely no celebs!
Unless you do the naff thing and follow them to their site to be told what a lovely day they’re having! I did actually follow this one girl (an awful expression, really), calling herself a ‘new media chick’ and tweeting that she ‘can’t find her glasses and can't see to find them’!
So it’s back to the internet dating site at Meet At Last. And jolly good it is too! Lots of decent-looking types who you can have a straightforward conversation with online and have a laugh too!
Less tweeting and more meeting - is the way to go, that’s what I say!
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